Anger is a powerful emotion. It’s completely normal to feel angry in some situations and it can be healthy to get this anger out. A bottled up emotion is just a time bomb waiting to go off! Anger is an uncomfortable emotion, which is why a release is always good.
Psychologists deem there are three types of angers.
Sudden Anger – This is an impulse. It comes on quick by a sudden stimulus and can dissipate quick enough.
Deliberate Anger – This type of comes when you feel something or someone has delibratly harmed you or treated you unfairly.
Dispositional Anger – This is a character trait. It’s part of who they are.
When you need to express your anger towards the person that has caused the emotion it is often better to take some time away and come to terms with your thoughts and feelings. Expressing your anger instantly will more than likely lead to both parties feeling that emotion, and although I’ve said it’s completely normal that doesn’t mean it’s nice.
The problem comes when people don’t want to express this anger. It could be for any number of reasons. They might be ashamed of feeling angry, they may be worried about repercussions, but whatever it is they still need to get these feelings out.
Here are some things you can do to express your anger without the confrontation. Practicing these ways will, believe it or not, make you a better communicator and in time you may find you’re willing to confront the person without having to use one of these techniques.
Write a letter
Write a letter to the person who has made you angry. You don’t need to send it. You can destroy it afterwards or keep it. The choice is yours. You can write out exactly how you feel about the situation, about what happened and how you’d like it resolved. You can get everything our without fear of repercussions.
Write a script
Write the actual dialogue of what you’d say to the person and what response you’d like to hear. Try writing the response you don’t want to hear and see how you’d react to that. You have control over the entire conversation so why not make them say sorry?
Write I feel…
Produce a list of statements about how you feel. Mindmap them. Explore each angle. You’ll be amazed where you can go to. Maybe even create new mindmap or list from one of the items from the original work?
I cannot draw. I have no artistic skills what-so-ever. But if someone has angered me and I don’t want to confront them I may just get the pencil and paper out and start drawing how I feel. Sometimes it could be a page full of lines, other times it could be circles, sometimes it could be an attempt at a picture. Whatever it is, it has a calming influence and lets me get my thoughts out.
Like the above I will get the pencil and paper out and draw the words that match my emotions. I’ll trace around them again and again. I’ll make it look like graffiti or like a poster. It might not be very good but once again my thoughts are clearing and my emotions being dealt with.
Doing just one or all of these can help clear you mind and deal with how you’re feeling. There are times I’ve done one and discovered that my anger wasn’t justified. The other person had a right to say what they said. I’ve also found that it’s given me time to clear my thoughts which has then given me the confidence to approach the person and deal with the situation.
One thing to remember is that anger is power emotional and where ever there is anger there is always some kind of pain. Before you confront the person try to consider why they reacted in that way because they may have been in pain themselves. Anger is often nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration so treat it with delicacy.